Day 5 – The Power of Imitation—How Young Children Learn from the World Around Them
Are my Actions Worthy of Imitation?
In the first seven years of childhood, we know that children primarily learn through imitation. They absorb the world around them deeply and naturally.
Rather than explaining everything with many words,
the young child learns by watching and doing. When we offer long explanations, it can easily overwhelm them — even if we do not notice it in the moment.
A child who is allowed to remain in this state of imitation — where the Will Forces are being built — develops something very important: a deep sense of competence.
“I can do this myself.”
From this experience grows not only confidence, but also the ability to focus and persist.
The Magic of Whispering
When children become wild or overly excited, we often try to raise our voice so they will hear us.
If I want my children to listen but they are too loud to hear my words, I come closer so they can feel my presence and I whisper instead.
Almost immediately,
the young child follows and engages in this game.
The Magic of Moving Slowly
Mornings can easily become hectic.
When things begin to feel rushed, instead of moving even faster, pause for a moment, take three deep breaths and move slowly instead.
I promise that this will not cost you more time.
In fact, it often saves time because the child feels the adult’s regulated nervous system and naturally settles.
And yes, young children absorb our energy! One of my teachers once said:
“When we are stressed, we might as well have a siren on our head, our children will recognize it.”
But when we think about it, barely any moments in our lives are an emergency. So allow yourself to slow down and move with calm certainty– children draw stability from us.
And when a child is truly struggling — perhaps overwhelmed by getting dressed or transitioning — it becomes especially important to stay physically close.
In those moments they quite literally need the adult to help “hold them together.”
Giving directions from across the room will not help. We eventually need to come closer and help them return to themselves.
The Magic of Mirror Neurons
The child’s brain is beautifully designed for imitation.
Within the brain are cells called mirror neurons.
These neurons activate when the child watches us perform an action. This is one of the reasons children learn so naturally by observing the adults around them.
If you are folding laundry, sweeping the kitchen or setting the table, your child might ask you if they may help. In the moment this can feel inconvenient. It may slow down the task, especially on a busy day, and I do sympathise with this–so much! But what initially slows us down often becomes a beautiful habit for you and your child over time.
Again, you don’t want to be too explicit.
Instead of explaining each step in great detail, simply slow down and slightly exaggerate the movement. The child will naturally follow your lead. You don’t have to be doing things in silence, but you don’t want to disrupt the learning process with much chatter either.
These moments are not only times of connection — they are opportunities for the child to build real competence and confidence. Besides, you don’t want your teenage child standing in your kitchen one day, not knowing where the plates are!
The Magic of Boredom (and the Challenge of Screens)
Once we understand how deeply children imitate their surroundings, it invites us to look carefully at the environments we create.
Media presents the brain with rapidly changing images.
The young brain must constantly process this stimulation, leaving little space for imagination or inner activity. It is designed to trigger the brain’s dopamine system, the chemical connected to reward and pleasure, making it an addictive medium. Fast-changing images, sounds, and constant novelty release small bursts of dopamine over and over again.
Over time, the brain begins to expect this level of stimulation,
making real-life activities—like drawing, building, or helping in the kitchen—feel less interesting.
Research in child development shows
that heavy screen exposure makes it harder for young children to sustain attention and engage in deep play. Their brains become accustomed to external stimulation rather than internal creativity. I humbly invite you to reconsider any sort of media that your child might be exposed to. We are all striving to make the best of our days in the world we are living in today and sometimes it might be inevitable to turn on an audio book (which is to be preferred over any sort of screen).
Remember that boredom is a gift
and if we give it a little time–especially if the child has to re-adjust back from the media–we might be amazed by what comes out of it:
A stick becomes a fishing rod.
A blanket becomes a house.
A cardboard box becomes a ship.
The Magic of Self-Care
I am well aware that I am squeezing a lot into five short days.
So please feel free to put this aside for later–mark your calendar to find a time to declutter for instance–small steps are enough.
Whenever we find ourselves in a moment where we are not happy with our interactions with our children, we sometimes tend to forget that it’s not only self-reflection that will help us become the best versions of ourselves–it’s self-care.
With all the things that we take care of day in and day out,
we need to make time to nourish ourselves, so that we can go back to being the calm rock in the storm–our higher selves.
Place a small reminder on your mirror or refrigerator:
“This is not an emergency.
I allow myself to move slowly and speak calmly.”
…or any other mantra that you might find useful.
Take a journal and write down how you felt today in challenging situations:
What did you observe with your child?
How did you feel?
How was your response?
If you have the intention to make a change,
you will see that soon enough you will have first successes. And when you do, don’t forget to write those down as well!
Self-Development Is Part of Self-Care
Real self-care is not always the easiest path.
Moving slowly, speaking calmly, and reflecting on our day takes effort. But it is deeply nourishing for both the parent and the child.
Self care also means to be gentle with yourself, when things didn’t work the first time. Things don’t always go smoothly, but we have the chance to self-reflect and re-adjust every day.
Our children learn from watching us striving to be the best versions of ourselves. If something did not go as planned, it is perfectly appropriate to apologize. In doing so, we model accountability and humanity. They also learn which behaviours from the adult world don’t have to be accepted by them.
As human beings we don’t always recognize when we have reached our goals. So if you did have a successful morning, give yourself a little pat on the shoulder!
Giving Yourself Time
We are making so many plans to be the best parent we can be, that we tend to forget that we can only do that, when we are regulated ourselves.
So here I would like you to write down a seven day self-care schedule.
Perhaps that includes taking a candle lit lavender bath once a week. See a friend for dinner. Go on a walk. Do a craft or some sort of handwork–working with your hands is deeply stimulating for the brain. If you play an instrument, take time to practice. Work in the garden or prepare seeds for the upcoming season (that is actually great for your child to help you with!). Take the class that you kept postponing. Go bring some eggs to the neighbour that you wanted to talk to for a long time.
Imitation is powerful.
When we slow down, move with intention, and care for our own inner life, children quietly absorb this way of being.
They are always watching.
And through imitation, they are learning how to live.
Action Steps:
Remember–you don’t have to change everything at once. Try one small shift and observe what happens.
1. Let your child see you doing meaningful work.
Fold laundry, sweep, cook, or tidy while they are nearby. Move a little more slowly and clearly so they can follow your actions through imitation.
2. Whisper instead of raising your voice.
If things become loud or wild, come close to your child and speak quietly. Often your child will tune right in.
3. Slow down during stressful moments.
Take three deep breaths and deliberately move more slowly. Your child senses your inner state and will settle when you do.
4. Welcome your child’s help.
If your child asks to help with a task, try to say yes when possible. These moments build competence and confidence. You are your child’s first teacher.
5. Allow space for boredom.
Resist the urge to fill every quiet moment. Give your child to play. When your child is used to media, it may take a while for the brain to re-adjust–hang in there, you will be amazed at the beauty that evolves from within your child!
6. Notice what your child is imitating.
Take a moment at the end of the day to reflect: What did my child copy from me today? This observation alone can be a powerful guide.
7. Be gentle with yourself.
This work is a practice. Some days will feel calm and connected, others will not. Each day is a new opportunity to try again.
